From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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