You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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