So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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