piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize