Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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