I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize