Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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