Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
