I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
