Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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