mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
