bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
