I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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