One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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