i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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