Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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