11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
