If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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