How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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