i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
