everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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