hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
