I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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