K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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