Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
