Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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