He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
