i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have so many feelings about this burrito
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
