Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
