What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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