Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
