Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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