im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
