break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
