you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
