His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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