Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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