Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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