He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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