Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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