Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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