Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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