i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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