3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
