Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
