May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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