Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I am naked and annoyed.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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