All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
