did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
