I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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