My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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