dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize