I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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