You don't have asthma, your pregnant
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
