If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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