I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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