sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have fence marks all over my body
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
