Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
