I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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