She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
