$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
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So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize